Post Mortem Harhar

Oh boy I was so relieved when the reception was over. Tired but definitely relieved. I am so so glad and thankful that I have friends I could count on and helped me throughout the reception and made sure everything went accordingly and took over from me when I needed to just sit back and be the bride. It's back to square one now and I'm really looking forward to London - Phantom, Arsenal, Paris...SHOPPING...and everything. I even made sure that we picked a date after I finished my project so I don't need to worry about coming back to a pile of work. Instead, I'd be coming back to prepare for my switch over to another team before we finish our one year training.

Work wise, the past almost 2 1/2 months have been really great. It's really an all rounder thing after moving from Marketing. I've been really making use of the "connection" I made during then to get my job done in my new department now. But there's just one silly thing I seem to always do...being forgetful to send this ONE particular email out everyday. UGH. I should really put up a big ass note on my monitor.

You know, I just realised that I don't think I'd be used to not being with Naz now...not having him asleep by my side, not waking up next to him...being married is ok so far. Mom said, "It's not gonna set in until when you finally have kids of your own...that's when the real test begins".

Time to buzz off.

Still Bogged Down

Still busy. In fact, while I was in Marketing...at least I could still have a wee bit of space to breathe but being in Sales now is just different in its own way. Am enjoying the speed but time is seemingly short these days. It's like before I know it...the alarm is sounding to wake me up. And then before I know it, its 5.30pm...the official off-work time (but I normally stay back late). I wish there's 30 hours in a day *sigh*

Lately, I also find myself wanting to stay at work later and later mainly coz I don't feel like going back to my "new" home. Avoid a conflict before it strikes you. That's the best policy when you live with your PIL. But somehow or rather, no matter how quiet you are, you will get hints that you will kena some day soon too. What the heck seriously. I've seen it happen to my SIL so I kinda have like a major prep for it already and know what to and what not to do even though sometimes these precautionary measures don't always work.

Anyway, I am really thankful for friends who are helping me through this "difficult" period, which in my opinion is supposed to be an event to look forward to by all brides but unfortunately, I just can't wait till it's over. If can, I don't even want to have the reception. Shitload of headache and shitload stubborn people who are too spoilt by always being in control. I mean, I like to be in control too but there's always a thing called meeting in the middle.

Ok, enough of all these crappy craps. I'm gonna fit in some time to continue studying my newfound language.

Toodles. F*** this shit I tell you. I'm sorry, I'm pretty pissed, annoyed, stressed and everything that a normal bride shouldn't be. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And of course, I have to thank my tulang belakang for being a punching bag once in awhile. Did I mention that I dropped gym and picked up kickboxing instead? Its a good anger relief outlet! It's not like I'm an angry person but I have been really kickass bad mood the past weeks.

Bogged

Bogged down by too many things until the extent where I had to force myself to go on MC or else I'd be dead this coming week. I have a project to run, planning to help my boss with and a damn wedding reception to handle. I don't have time for myself, I don't have time to see my parents, I don't have time to do anything. Everytime when I come back, I'm either too tired or...well, I end up just being too tired I sleep early and wake up early the next day to start another routine.

Seeing that I'm so busy, I don't think I'd even have the time to think of asking for help so the least you could do is sit me down and ask me if I need help and not just offer yourself and not do it and expect me to remind you!

My Life as a Mrs

Nothing changed except the fact that I get to bring bekal to work everyday with my breakfast in it, which I think is healthy and good since I always eat my breakfast late and drink too much coffee. So now its just warm honey and my MIL's breakfast. I wake up feeling really fresh everyday because I now sleep before 12 midnight..somehow, he makes me sleepy and I no longer roam online till the wee hours of the morning. I'm dividing my days with the MIL and my mom and the good thing is, I get home cooked food everyday except Fri, Sat and Sunday coz mom now cooks more often than before (basically everytime when I'm supposed to be back, she'd cook).

I still feel a bit weird though...but I guess I'm warming up to my "new" family. I'm still a bit cautious and making sure that I don't screw things up around them until I move outa there. Haha. I leave for work earlier now and am damn happy to reach my office before 8.30am coz I can get more things done. The planning team is just me and my boss and he left me alone on my infant week and all the screw ups from the sales guys had to happen while he's away. But it's good learnings coz I have more opportunity to take on more responsibilities. My ex-boss is still coming to me on stuffs. Finance lady said, "Thats why lah...last time throw all the work to you...now suffer lah she". The MTs who switched with us looked a bit jaded already and it's been just 1 1/2 months. I guess they just need more "getting used to" time and everyone seems to be saying that me and Julian didn't look as stressed as them while we were in the department.

I think I'm becoming a bit more conscious of myself or rather kiasu because I just wanna make sure that I become a "good" wife to him. Somehow after the akad nikah, I felt relieved as now I can just concentrate fully on making my way up the career ladder. My mom thinks I'm becoming a workaholic. Perhaps its my love for the company and job. I'm now running a project with one of the key accounts and it's hell I tell you. 11 outlets to audit and study...but I'm really looking forward to presenting it. I love presentations but I'm kinda worried now about obtaining some internal data...like I don't really know where to begin. Sigh.

MATTA Fair is here. Island holiday. Hmm....anyway, I can't wait for our honeymoon end of April. Just nice after I finish my project and before I switch team with Julian. I feel a bit sick now. Should rest more.

Toodles.

Killing Time On My Nikah Day

It's 1pm and I am bored. I'm beginning to think that I am SERIOUSLY forgetting to do something. How can I be so free? Anyway, while waiting to be picked up, here's a meme I curi-ed from somewhere and I'm gonna fill it up just because I have TOO MUCH time to spare :

Shampoo & Conditioner: L'Oreal Vitacolor & Paul Mitchell Hair Conditioner (Normal)

Styling products: None

Shower Gel: L'Occitane in Cherry Blossom

Body moisturizer: L'Occitane in Cherry Blossom

Deodorant: Speedstick in Orchard Blossom

Fake Tan: None

Cleanser: The Clinique 3-Steps Cleanser thing in dry-combination

Eye makeup remove : L'Oreal for Eyes and Lips

Exfoliator: Neutrogena Gentle Scrub

Primer : Biotherm White Detox Primer

Foundation : Bobbi Brown Long Wearing Liquid Foundation in SPF25 (Sand)

Foundation brush: None

Concealer: Bobbi Brown Concealor in Sand (i think)

Powder: No7 by Boots

Blusher: Benefit Posietint + Dandelion blusher & Bobbi Brown Cheek Rouge

Bronzer: None

Highlighter: Benefit High Beam

Eyeshadow base: None

Eyeshadows: Bobbi Brown (natural) & Shu Uemura (for more intensity)

Eyeliner: Bobbi Brown Gel Liner in Espresso & Christian Dior Waterproof Eye Pencil in Kohl

Eyelash curler: Shu Uemura

Eyelash base: None

Mascara: Anna Sui DX Full Waterproof

Lipstick: Bobbi Brown and Channel

Lipgloss: Clinique & Lancome

Nail colour: I don't do it myself so it's normally OPI or Creative

Teehee...my mani and pedi yesterday was so damn syiok. This time, I went for a soft and elegant look. Just a basic French and dusty pink for my toes. For next month's reception, I'm gonna do something more. What a girly fun. Poor Naz, I hope he don't get panic and screw up his lines while I sit there and look pretty =P

Mr. & Mrs. Nazwan

Mom has been keeping the album and our framed up portrait in her room...either admiring it or thinking about how her eldest baby will be leaving her soon, probably about 2.5km away from home. Hahaha. Grandma didn't recognize me so I suspect she needs her eyes checked coz I don't think I look any much different than when I do my own make up except maybe my eyes look sharper. My youngest sister is so excited and she insist that it's not because she can finally have my room. The middle one is more concern about what to wear to my akad nikah on Saturday. Dad on the other hand, I suspect is controlling macho...and he came back happily saying that his new car (which is gonna be my wedding ride) is getting Kastam clearance now and will arrive next weekend.

Naz? I haven't seen him this whole week and he thinks that God is purposely testing us before our akad nikah. I suspect he is trying to enjoy his last days of bachelorhood in Pyramid Tower under the pretense of having some company training thing. Me? I took leave tomorrow because the mak andam is coming by in the morning and the canopy people at night. Sigh. Why am I the only one handling the wedding when some fat ass promised to help do follow up calls for me with the wedding vendors? In the end, I have to call them while I'm driving all the time or while I'm doing store checks. There goes my lunch date with the girls. Dinner date maybe. Wedding reception also I have to handle. WTF..? But seriously, I'm a bit excited about looking all pretty and prepped up. Haha. There's so much to do and I don't think I can move some of my things this weekend. Gosh. Luckily we live very close by.

I really hope my mom won't tear up coz if she does, I confirm gone adi...sure follow along.

Songs to accompany my many mood changes lately :

Leona Lewis : Better In Time
Leona Lewis : Forgive Me
Leona Lewis : I Will Be..
Lauren Wood : Fallen
Rain : September 12
Taylor Swift : Love Story
Wondergirls : Nobody
Late Night Alumni : Meant To Be
Pussycat Dolls : Bottle Pop
Ne-Yo : Miss Independent

Nearer and nearer the frustrations is greater

It's 12 more days before the big day. I think I've settled pretty much the big stuffs and will be making way for those little tiny details to worry about especially during the few days before both the 28s. I went out for an all girl's night last Friday and ate so much at Delicious. We were laughing about how we'd either drink too much or eat too much and it's so unhealthy. Then I told them about how I heard married women are singled out by their single friends coz married women are not suppose to have single's fun. Harhar. They think that it's not true especially di zaman sekarang and even if it was, I'm not going to let them happen to me. Girls gotta let their hair down once in awhile you know *winks*

You know, it's not easy to be different from the norm especially when the kuno Asian culture or rather mentality is still stubbornly stuck in some idiots' head. And sometimes, it sucks to feel horrible coz even though you feel that there's no need to explain yourself but if you don't, people will continue to talk and hurt the people around you? Sometimes I'm also sad to know that people whom I deem close to me are easily influenced by what others' say. It's like they'd rather jive to other people's music than to their own? Again, I blame it on the "nak muka" culture. It's also disappointing to know that what ever you do will never be deemed as good as something that is 10x worse than what you're doing. And it hurts even more when I put the one I love in dilemma and at the same time get frustrated because you feel that he won't go all out to stand up for you but just take everything in and brush it off one side later. I want someone who will protect me and my family and I understand that there's a fine line for that but if you are obviously wrongly accused of something, I will never keep quiet even if it means arguing with my parents because no one person is right all the time.

Sometimes I wish some people would just stop talking behind my back and pretend to be all nice to me in front. I now understand the reason to why I was warned earlier...and it's not because I am being envied by but rather to keep me on my toes so the same thing won't happen to me. No one was born with an evil heart but circumstances turned them into what they are today and in a way, I don't blame that person but my patience has its limits and it better last long enough or all hell will break loose. I know it is no right to demand to be treated better just because I made some sacrifices which I think is enough to justify what I deserve, coz at the end of the day I did it with a willing heart but sometimes, I just can't help but to list down every single thing I went through and demand for a form of compensation for it. I really feel so bullied and so taken advantage of..like they've never taken my feelings and what I went through into consideration and to sieve through their narrow mindedness. I always feel like I've been doing so much giving and they have been doing all the receiving emotionally. How convenient. I don't need material generousity but I just wish that they can lend their support and kindness emotionally instead of being so bitchy about every damn fucking thing.

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Valentine's was just another ordinary Saturday coz we celebrated it on the 10th along with our 5th year together. But it was definitely relaxing in many ways as we, or rather I, got to lounge at home in PJs and watch DVD while catching up on some rest time that we've been longing to have. I guess we just needed to breathe and put everything but us away for a day. Ip Man was good. I was like "whoa" all the way and I'm always impressed when it comes to these kinda kungfu movies and not all those corny effects ones. If only we were in our own home. I just can't wait till we move in to our place...our own place that we can call "ours" and make sure that we have our own privacy and not being invaded everyday like as if we can't take care of ourselves.

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Work has been alright. Though the learning curve is not as high as the time I was in marketing, it's good learning in its own way. There are times that I feel that my skills and knowledge is not being tested much and I am not being worked to my optimum level? So it frustrates me a lot. Dad said to enjoy this "honeymoon" month and just go with the flow and play my game right. So yeah, I'm doing just that now and using the time I have to prepare for the wedding as well. There's just so much I want to do and I really need to sit down and plan out my year properly.

I guess this is the longest I've blogged so far. Work tomorrow. I'm not really that excited anymore. Annual dinner cum team building this Thursday/Friday.

Till then. Maybe that's why I suddenly feel the need to travel alone...to breathe and to clear my mind, even from my loved ones.